GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
