Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
