Reggie can tackle my bush.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
