I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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