Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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