So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize