as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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