i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
