the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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