my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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