Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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