Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunk is not a location!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize