I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
