The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize