Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize