Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
