I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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