All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
