I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
