Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
