i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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