You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
