The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
