the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
