I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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