I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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