PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't EVER smell your tampon
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
