turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
