She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
