Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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