I wanna passion pit in your ass
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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