you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
