True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I pour the whiskey from now on
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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