Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
from now on my penis is your penis
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
