I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We named our party play list daddy issues
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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