I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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