Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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