Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
