If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A bitchslap is in order.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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