This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
