i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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