Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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