Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
