i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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