i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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