Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
