I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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