so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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