Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
