K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
