I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
