My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
