I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
