yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
