; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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