We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
