Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
