Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
