Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize