so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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