if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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