Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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