areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize