Jerry, you need to find god
I CAN MOONWALK!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
