did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
