Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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