He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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