Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
